"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us." -Joseph Campbell

So often when a relationship is over, we actually don't end it. We mentally hold onto it. We hold on to the hope that maybe, just maybe things may still work out. We hold onto all of the memories and the whys, what ifs and if only.

The reality is until you accept that your relationship is really over, you will not let go and move on. Of course there is the normal grieving process and that's to be expected. It's when you have been through the usual grief period and you are still obsessing that you become stuck and won't let go.

There comes a point when you have to choose. You can either continue living in the past, which is nowhere or, you can choose to pick up the pieces of your life and move on. So how do you let go is the question?

First you have to accept the truth. Is your relationship salvageable or are you the only one who wants things to work out? If you are in denial and you are the only one who still wants to hold onto your relationship, then it's time to get real with yourself.

You can't have a relationship with someone all by yourself! By facing reality it allows you to have a starting point. Ironically, the end always has a new beginning. But if you keep all of your waking hours focused on the past you will never see what is right in front of you.

Just because one door closes, don't look at it for so long that you miss the ones that open. Begin to take the right steps forward that will heal your heartache instead of nurturing it and therefore keeping it alive.

A few of the "right steps" are: keep yourself busy, surround yourself with friends and family, volunteer, do something for yourself, exercise, if you can afford to go on a vacation, go and see a movie (a comedy), do anything but whatever you do, don't sit around and dwell on the past.

Know that time really does heal all wounds and it is simply a matter of time before you will see the sun shining in your life again. But, unless you decide that it is time to put the past in its place, which is behind you, you will remain in a self imposed prison filled with heartache, old memories and loneliness.

So, if your relationship really is over the sooner your face the truth, the sooner you will let go and move on.

Susan Russo
©2010

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