Did you know that three out of four men have no clue when you are flirting with them? This daunting bit of research comes from social scientist Richard Bandler and should be of great interest to all women who have been taught that tossing their hair and lipping their lips is enough. Simply put, a few provocative gestures are not sufficient to get an interested guy off his keister and into your personal space. So what's a girl to do?
Well, if she's not ready to approach him herself, there is another option.Since men fear rejection from a woman, more than from any other living, breathing entity on this planet, you must lay out a welcome mat, so large and so inviting, he can't help but want to sink his toes into it. Remember, you can always do nothing and there's a chance someone will walk over-but will it be the one who rings your chimes? Glib, obnoxious males, the kind who maneuver through scores of women each night, don't need a signal from you. But an appealing,smart, discriminating man is likely to double think himself, and, boor that he's not, will fear encroaching on your space. This sort of man needs a clear sign.
In fact, he needs a lot of clear signs.
According to Dr. Monica Moore, a social scientist from Webster University, "Women who perform more than 35 flirting displays per hour will elicit greater than 4 approaches per hour."
So if you're focused on one guy in particular, that would be approximately 8 flirting gestures, aimed directly at him! The key to getting his attention is variety and quantity, according to Dr. Moore, who spent over 2000 hours in malls, bars and parties to determine exactly what it takes to move a guy in your direction.
Moore found that there are 52 distinct, non-verbal gestures, which men recognize as flirting when directed at them. The number one way a woman can make her interest crystal clear, is to employ several of them, over and over, at her target. It must register with him, that he is the one who is making you fidgety.
These gestures include:
- Short, darting glances, where you fix your eyes on him, look away and look back.
- Primping and preening-smoothing out your skirt, straightening your collar, adjusting your neckline, etc.
- Tilting your head to the side, or pulling up your hair, to expose your neck (a sign of vulnerability).
- Holding his glance for more than a few seconds.
- Running your index finger around the rim of a cup or glass.
- Playing with keys.
- Taking your rings on and off.
- Stroking a part of your body.
- Smiling coyly-or fully, if you can handle it.
- Tossing your hair.
- Aligning your body so it faces, and even mirrors, his stance.
- Playing with strands of your hair.
- Licking your lips.
The trick is to engage in the motions you feel most comfortable with and to repeat them until he gets it. Meanwhile, if another male approaches you, appear friendly and polite; show your target you are not the rejecting type.
And, the best news of all? You don't have to be the prettiest gal in the room to get your guy. Dr. Moore found that "men are more receptive to high-flirtation women who are average or even less than average-looking, than they are to women who are more attractive, but who emit fewer signals." It's not who's most appealing, but who's most inviting. This contradicts the long-held view that females with the most symmetrical features will attract the most men. So, if a few extra pounds have you second-guessing yourself, don't give up: Make your moves, and the curvaceous ice maiden standing a few feet away is toast.
Statistics also show that you'll increase your chances of a successful hook-up, if you flirt with men who are on somewhat of the same attractiveness level as you. Studies of couples by the Social Issues Research Center (SIRC) indicate "most successful marriages and long-term relationships are between partners of equally good looks." But don't shoot too low:"Over eighty percent of women have a poor body-image, and underestimate their attractiveness," according to the SIRC, so they advise that females try flirting with some better-looking men.
So, now you know exactly how to catch his eye and put out a compelling welcome mat. Is it a lock that he'll walk over? Unfortunately, no. Men are human, and prone to self-doubt, shyness and other distractions, just as women are.
Is there a guaranteed way to connect with a man you're dying to meet? Sure.
Make that first move yourself!
All you have to do is break the ice.Walk over and say "Hi." Comment on the long line you're on, the noise level in the room-take a look around; whatever surrounds you can make a handy prop. Just plant yourself nearby and say something off the cuff to that cutie next to you. If he doesn't respond, big deal! Your ego isn't exactly on the line. You haven't asked him to father your first child. All you've done is toss a line to a complete stranger.
And what if an opening from you is all he needs? What if the floodgates open and you both start feeling something magical? Isn't it worth someone taking a shot? Next time you spot an interesting guy, let that someone be you.
Want a fabulous relationship?You have the power to create it.
Kathy Schwadel, a NYC author and relationship coach, has counseled men and women on how to find lasting love for nearly a decade. She is the author of Grab Your Tiger: How 110 Women Made the First Move to Capture the Men of Their Dreams. Visit http://www.grabyourtiger.com for great tips on how to connect with the opposite sex, over a dozen inspiring 'how-to-get-him' stories and a 7-page E-Report "How to Break the Ice with Him."