There are two categories of communication, verbal and non- verbal communications. These two are essential in every relationship but the most common, most abused and most over stated and/or under stated form of communication is verbal communications. Verbal communications has three factors the sender the receiver and the feedback. Feedback is important, it signifies if communication has truly served its purpose. I believe though that in all these factors, listening is very important. No matter how lucid or educated the sender is if the one listening is as dumb as a donkey then he or she will never get the message, making communication very unsuccessful.

In relationship, being a good listener is vital. This can work in your advantage. If information is power then the best way to have that power is through listening. If you know how to listen carefully and intently you can get vital information that can help you make vital decisions for yourself or your relationship. Listening keenly will give you the edge in everything you do. Perfecting the art of listening is the old age secret of successful and well skilled people. Being a good listener will give you the advantage on when to go and when to stop, when to open up and when to close yourself up.

Being a good listener will give you a great over view of your status or standing. It can give you a proper assessment of yourself, your partner and your relationship. One of the necessities of being a good listener is learning how to listen to yourself. Listening to that inner voice can make you reflect within yourself, making you more aware and more in control of yourself. One characteristic of being a good listener is being open minded and non judgmental. If you are prejudice about the sender or speaker or the source of the message, it's kind of rusty to absorb the message he or she needs to convey if your mind is barred by your own opinion.

For instance, if your spouse is trying to explain his reason for calling his ex but when your mind is made up that he is philandering then it's quite hard to take in his explanation. Another example is when you are head over heels awestruck with your lover, you can sometime miss how he talk adoringly about his ex making yourself unguarded for the possibility of him going back to his former girlfriend. Being a good listener you should have the right balance of sympathy and objectivity. How the message is being delivered by the sender is also part of being a good listener- Does he look sincere, offensive, defensive? Knowing the message behind the message can make you grasp the whole picture.

Listening beyond words will make you an exceptional listener. You must know how to read and analyze people. Asking yourself silent questions like why and what's the point of the senders message will make you listen more attentively. Being a good listener is all about assigning a mind that is tainted with selfish and unnecessary issues and giving your undivided focus and attention.

Ruth Purple
©2009

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